"Marilyn,
please, hold onto my shoulder or we'll never make it to your apartment,"
Mei said in an annoyed tone as she tried to help her drunk best friend stand
straight to continue walking properly.
"Ugh...M-Mei...Stop walking so
fast in circles...I'm getting...sick..." hiccupped Marilyn in reply,
covering her mouth with her left hand. This
routine was one repeated many times already. Marilyn would go out to party at
clubs and drink, drag Mei along and Mei would get stuck with making sure
Marilyn got home alive and in one piece. This has been going on for a month now
every Friday and Saturday since Marilyn's break up with Tyrone, the tall, tan
and handsome asshole that Mei hated with a passion. "I swear Marilyn, you
need to stop this. Instead of getting drunk on such a nice Friday night, create
your beautiful art. Sing, come over to my apartment and play video games,
anything! I'll hang with you but I'm tired of this happening...look at
yourself...you can't even walk straight, or should I say walk at all," Mei scolded Marilyn,
sounding angrier than usual as they finally approached Marilyn's apartment and
began heading inside into the elevator to the 2nd floor. Marilyn suddenly
looked even more tired and somewhat saddened and had nothing to say in reply.
The elevator ride up was quiet and quick. Mei took out her keys, choosing her
copies to Marilyn's apartment door as they walked down the hall. After
approaching and opening the door, Marilyn took her arm off of Mei's shoulder,
slowly walking inside on her own. Great,
she's pissed off, Mei thought to herself as she walked behind, shutting the
door behind her.
"Marilyn, please be-"
"Yeah I know. Thanks,"
Marilyn said cutting off Mei before she could even finish speaking. As Mei
sighed putting hanging her things on the hangers beside the mini hall entrance
Marilyn made her way to the sofa in her living room and laid down, about to
doze off. "Marilyn you should drink a bottle of water before you get
to..." Mei paused when she approached the sofa noticing that Marilyn had
already went off to dream land, "...sleeping." Kneeling beside the
sofa Mei began stroking Marilyn's dark brown curly hair that still looked
adorable even after all she'd done tonight. She stared at her tired, red face
and long lashes that seemed to glisten in the light from possible silent tears
that Mei didn't notice were falling earlier when they arrived. It was times
like these Mei liked to take advantage of. She would see Marilyn so calm and
still and just feel at ease. Butterflies flew in her stomach that reminded her
of what she felt for the girl sleeping in front of her. Her cheeks were getting
warm suddenly, and she gulped, feeling nervous. Marilyn looked so lovely to Mei
and she couldn't hold back much longer. She leaned in slowly towards the rosy
lips that opened just a bit for breathing, staring at them as she gulped again.
One inch closer. Gulps. Lips just
slightly open. Another inch closer. Sweat. Chills. Just a few centimeters more.
Tick. Tock. Bam.
Mei hit fireworks. Her lips pressed
softly against Marilyn's and it felt out of this world. She finally did it, she
did what she wanted to do for months, no, for years. She kissed the girl that
was her best friend, the girl she had been in love with for the longest. The
only sad part was Marilyn was sleeping. As Mei slowly pulled away, her face
redder than ever, Marilyn just moved her head to the opposite direction
continuing to sleep soundly. Mei sighed and got up, gathering her things at the
door and left the apartment, making sure to lock the door behind her. But
little did Mei know or realize that the girl she just kissed was actually awake
during that whole firework moment. Inside that apartment on that sofa Marilyn
was blushing just as much as Mei did before and her eyes were wide open staring
at the couch fabric as she covered her mouth. She wasn't sure whether to be
surprised, shocked, worried, or even happy that she at least got some comfort.
As she got up to look at the door her childhood friend had just walked out of,
it hit her. She didn't understand why but she suddenly began laughing at
herself until she cried and then she cried until she fell asleep.
Saturday morning came and sudden
knocks at the door woke Marilyn up. Damn,
I fell asleep on the sofa again...she thought to herself as she sat up
slowly, feeling the same shock of pain in her head she had been getting every
weekend for the past month. "Marilyn open the goddamn door! I can't get my
keys out." Jeez, give me a damn
minute, thought Marilyn as she rubbed her head. Then she realized who was
at the door.
Mei.
Marilyn suddenly wasn't sure how to
react to Mei. As she approached her apartment door, her nervous hand reaching
for the door knob, she repeated in her head Stay
calm, you don't know what happened last night. The knob turned and there
was Mei holding a food basket in her arms. "Finally!" she yelled as
she rushed in towards the kitchen to put the basket full of goodies down.
Marilyn rolled her eyes as she closed the door and followed Mei. "Refrain
from being loud please. My head really hurts. What's with all the food?"
Marilyn said as she sat at her small kitchen table staring at the basket filled
with danishes, sandwich products, snacks, and bread. "I got this as a gift
but I know I could never finish all of this, so I thought maybe you'd like to
have some with me and even keep stuff for yourself. And hey, headache? That's
what you get for not drinking water like I told you. Now, breakfast time. I'm
guessing you just woke up so go wash up!" Mei rolled up the sleeves of her
plaid shirt and began take out some bread from the basket with some sandwich
add-ons. Marilyn did as she was told as she thought to herself how strange it
was that Mei could act so normally this morning after her move last night.
Perhaps it was better that way, Marilyn didn't really want to deal with
feelings she currently couldn't return. On top of that, to her best friend who
happens to be a girl? It just didn't feel right to her.
When Marilyn finished washing her
mouth and face and returned to the kitchen, a sandwich with coffee and orange
juice was waiting at the table for her. Mei had her sandwich too but actually
waited for Marilyn before eating. Mei smiled her warm smile that seemed to be
glowing today for some reason. Wow, did
she always smile at me that way? thought Marilyn as she sat down across
from Mei, thanking her for the breakfast. Things were silent between the two as
they munched on their sandwiches. It made Marilyn feel awkward, and she noticed
Mei fiddling a lot more with her sandwich than actually eating it. Something
was up.
"Hey, aren't chu hungry?"
Marilyn asked with a full mouth as she raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes, I
mean, well...not really..." responded Mei, letting go of the bread she was
playing with as she stared down at it. Her eyes suddenly looked in pain and
that's when Marilyn stopped chewing, staring at what looked like a heart broken
friend she never noticed. "Marilyn, I love you."
W...What?
Marilyn stared at the best friend
across from her. She didn't know how to react to this statement at all. "I
love you...I've loved you for so long...I can't take it anymore, just being
friends. It really hurts me Marilyn...please say something..."
Silence filled the room. Mei looked
up with watery eyes and that was when Marilyn finally noticed the dark circles
she had. She hasn't been sleeping much,
Marilyn thought as she continued staring. "Mei...I..." She started
her sentence but couldn't figure out what exactly to say. How could she respond
to this confession so suddenly? She was still down about Tyrone breaking up
with her last month and her feelings for him weren't gone. Mei's tears began to
fall. This felt like most difficult moment of Marilyn's life right now.
"I'd treat you better than any
of those assholes you had! I actually love you!" Mei was beginning to yell
and bawl like a 5 year old that just
scraped her knees. Marilyn was surprised at this side of Mei, she never
imagined her being this sensitive and of all things over HER. "Mei...I'm sorry...I
can't...I'm not over Tyrone...and I'm not really sure if I can feel the same
about you..." Those words stabbed Mei in the chest. The tears couldn't
stop flowing because of how long she'd held them in and it was just too
difficult for her to stop herself from crying. "Just...just give me time
okay? Maybe in some time I can-," Mei cut off Marilyn before she could
finish. "Time? More time? How long do you think I've been waiting...and
you want me to wait longer? How long would 'some time' be in your mind Marilyn?
A week? A month? A few months? A year? How much more time do I have to
suffer?" Mei's voice was breaking as she cried even more. Marilyn couldn't
handle this at such a time. For Christ's sake, she woke up with a migraine from
drinking over the loss of her ex-boyfriend last night.
"Mei what do you expect from me
at a time like this? I'm not over-" Mei slammed her hand on the table and
stood up abruptly, frowning as she looked down. "Yeah, not over Tyrone!
You've always loved those heartbreaking asshole guys instead of someone who
actually cares! They never gave a shit about you but you always run after them
instead of someone like me who takes care of you, who's always there for you
when you call, who comforts you whenever you need to be comforted, who would do
ANYTHING for you in a heartbeat just because it's YOU I'm doing it for! You
know what Marilyn, FUCK YOU!" Mei stormed out the apartment, leaving the
basket and her breakfast behind. The door slammed and she was gone. Marilyn sat
in her seat shocked at what she just heard. Staring blankly at the wall she
couldn't seem to move. What am I going to
do...?
As difficult as it felt, Marilyn
continued her life the way she always did. Going to work, coming home and
cooking herself food, browsing in stores to waste time, the usual routines. But
something was missing and it was Mei. As Marilyn walked to the convenience
store she thought to herself that she hadn't realized before just how big a
part of her life Mei was. Nights now seemed extremely boring after dinner even
with television and video games. When Mei was around there was laughing and
singing and smiles and comfort. Marilyn never got bored. Now things were
different...and Marilyn didn't like it at all. It had been a week since that
time in her apartment when Mei broke down; they hadn't seen each other at all
since then. Marilyn felt awful and thought she should have just accepted the
feelings because Mei was actually right about what she said. Marilyn always
went for the assholes and never realized what she wanted was there for her the
whole time. It pissed her off.
Walking into the convenience store
as she looked inside her purse for some coupons she had she bumped into another
women by accident from not paying attention as to where she was headed.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so out of it tonight..."
"It's okay..."
That
voice...! Marilyn's eyes widened and
her head shot up to see the girl who's heart she had broken.
"M-Mei...," Marilyn began stuttering, so surprised and uncertain of
what to say or how to react. "Hi...How are you?" Mei asked softly,
staring at Marilyn with a serious expression on. Of course she's still mad...Marilyn thought as she gulped then
mumbled back a lie; "I'm fine."
"That's good to hear."
"How are you doing?"
"Fine as well, thank you."
Things felt awkward as they stood
there in the empty convenience store and ironically love music was all that
could be heard.
"Well...I should get going
home," Mei began saying as she stuffed her plastic bag into her purse.
"Hope you have a good night." As Mei began heading towards the exit
door Marilyn grabbed hold of her arm. Mei turned around, her expression the
same, as she looked down at Marilyn's hand then back up to her face.
"Mei...I'm so sorry. You were
right, about everything. I'm sorry...please...forgive me." Marilyn was now
in Mei's shoes from the week before. Her eyes were tearing, and she looked
tired and desperate. Mei stared for a few seconds before responding with a
smile that didn't look like one of happiness but actually of pain. "It's
okay Marilyn, you don't have to do this. You can live your life and I can live
mine, it's okay. I'll be fine. Have a good night, make sure to get home
safe."
And with that, Mei pulled her arm
out of Marilyn's grip and left the convenience store without another word.
Marilyn stood in the same spot watching Mei disappear into the darkness of the
night. There was a tight feeling in her chest and she couldn't explain what it
was but it truly hurt her. She was suddenly crouched down on the floor, her
hands over her chest and her head hanging down towards the floor. The sudden
sounds of a wailing 5 year old child who was hurt began and waterfalls of tears
were beginning to flood the store. The goodbye of a forever was worse than the
goodbye of a good night.
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